I should narrow this down shouldn't I? I know quite a few very lovely men whose ilk should be excluded from this particular little rant. Of course men can compliment a woman they know and respect without making her uncomfortable. It's he motivation and tone that makes it threatening and degrading. This doesn't apply to you if:
1) You never lurk around a woman in a club waiting for a good moment to rub yourself against her poor bum. You're not dancing with her, you're disgusting. (I once had a particularly vile man grab hold of my belt-loops so I couldn't escape from his 'dancing'.)
2) You never comment on the physical appearance of a woman you don't know, positively or negatively. (Some women like this, most don't.)
3) You would never touch a woman without her permission. (Eg. Arse-slapping in the street, gross leg rubbing on the Tube.)
4) You never pull a disgusting, leering face and look a woman up and down as you walk/drive past her. (I know everybody looks at attractive people in the street, but I'm talking about the men that do it so you'll notice they're doing it. The ones that want to make you feel inferior and grubby.)
5) You are polite, non-threatening and know when to give up when approaching a lovely lady in a bar.
There are probably other criteria (all suggestions welcome) but these are the ones that come to mind.
I'm motivated to write this post for two reasons: firstly because of a recent incident after which myself and a lovely friend managed to get our own back on one of these low-lives and secondly because the summer is here and it seems to draw more of them out of the woodwork.
In recent months, I have been dealing with cat-calling, physical advances and humiliation of this sort more and more regularly.
I'm not saying that I'm irresistible to men, I believe this phenomenon has more to do with humiliating any woman rather than just fabulously attractive women. It doesn't matter what you look like, if you're female you're fair game for humiliation and abuse. It seems that even in our supposedly equal society, women are still viewed by many men (and sometimes by themselves) as public property to be touched, spoken to, abused and degraded at their whim. I believe they get a kick out of the power of it; one word, look or action can make you feel disgusting and scared for the rest of the day. And they are never punished; we never get to reject them or hurt them because we're afraid to. The heat in the summer seems to affect them too, it makes them more rabid. Isn't it pathetic that they get fired up over bare arms and legs? They make it their excuse. "What a slut in her skirt. She's clearly up for having sex with me here and now. Look at that shoulder." It is just an excuse though, they think this kind of thing all the time. When you're snuggled up in a duffel coat and mittens they still think it. It seems to be a combination of vast, disgusting male ego ("All women want to have sex with me. If they don't, I can make them feel as grubby as if they had." ) And a belief that all women are 'sluts'.
Which brings me to the revenge I managed to exact a couple of weeks ago on a particularly stupid male individual. Walking home with my wonderful friend, we cut through the car park of Currys and Topps Tiles as usual. We heard somebody behind us and turned around to hear, "I love the way those jeans fit you baby" and various other vile sentiments. Except the idiot was wearing a Topps Tiles uniform. Outside the Topps Tiles shop. Wonderful friend and I decided that we'd had enough. Over the last month or so, both of us had had nasty experiences walking home and on public transport; we weren't going to let this one go. We went into the shop to complain about their employee to the manager who was quite good about it and said he would be officially reprimanded. On the way out, the idiot employee was still saying things to us, eventually shouting, "Ah, you're shy!"
No, I'm not shy Mr. Tiles, I just hate you and hope that you get fired.
